Old Days, Old Friends, KIT-ing
(Audience participation is solicited at the bottom; I'd very much like your comments on this one. Yes, you.)
I certainly do not long for "the old days," although certain elements of the "old days" would be nice. By "old days," I mean college days. These elements would include more sleep and more free time. However, the cons of college life definitely outweighed the pros; physics did not come easy to me. Some people think that because I got a degree in physics, that I am a physics genius. On the contrary, it indicates that I chose a major and stuck with it, and was able to put together a 3.0+ GPA by mostly hard work and maybe some natural aptitude (so maybe I'd be a mix between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw). Classes, homework, projects, tests, they were all stressful and I'm so very glad I don't have to do them anymore.
I was quite the opposite of the typical free-for-all partying college guy. My social life consisted of church, church friends, and church activities. Now that I'm married and working, my social life consists of (in order of decreasing interaction, but not necessarily importance) wife, dog, church, family, old friend(s). And I like it that way. I don't like spending lots of time away from my wife. Once in a while, hanging out with fellas isn't too bad, but most of the time I'd much rather be in my house. Is that such a bad thing? Personally, I don't think so, because my wife/marriage is much more important than friends (although friends can be important, yada yada). Please tell me if I'm wrong.
Speaking of old friends, how many people wrote "Keep in touch" in your high school yearbooks? How many of them actually did? How many of them actually do? Did you try to "KIT" yourself? I certainly had quite a few people write this in my senior yearbook, but to date, none of them keep up with me, nor do I keep up with them. And non-family* college friends? I keep up with one of them regularly. As I left high school behind and went to college, I made new friends and moved into a new phase of my life. As I left college behind and got married, I gained a wife and moved into another new phase. Granted, yes, I know that friends do not have to be dumped at every new phase...every now and then there will be keepers.
So I pose a question to those of you who have much more life experience than I do (or even those that don't): is this just reality, or are we hermits here in the JunkFamily household? Or a bit of both?
* - (I say non-family college friends because technically, Harmony is a college friend, and so is Harmony's sister and Harmony's sister's husband. Does that make him my brother-in-law-in-law, brother-in-law-once-removed...or...brother...out-law? I think that's what I'll call him henceforth.)
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randomnimity
I think it is quite normal. I have maybe one or two friends that I keep up with from High school and very few from college. The one I do keep up with from college lives here in our small town and our kids are generally on the same sports teams and such. For *me*, I think a big part of the change was that, I for one, was not a Christian in High school and did many things that I have been ever so shameful of. It seems that when I have spoke with my high school friends, many have not changed, and we therefore have nothing in common. I am not sure if that makes sense in anyone elses head but my own lol. I just think that is the normal "ebb and flow" of life. Times change, people change, and we look for support where we can find it. And Kudos to you for wanting to stay and spend time with your wife. My husband also does not have night out with friends...and yet we still feel like we don't have enough time together :)
Angela
Angela,
Wow, thanks for the quick comment. Yes, your comment made clear sense to me. Although I was a church-goer in high school, I would probably label myself as CINO (Christian In Name Only). Most of my high school friends were church-goers too.
Now, I haven't actually talked to many of these people, so what follows is pure conjecture. I would think that even though a lot of us went to church, it's the life priorities that would separate me from my old friends. I don't want to become all powerful in my career first, then settle down, then have a family. If anything, it's reverse order. Most of my high school friends would probably disapprove of our family choices (Harmony staying home, no birth control). But like I said, total conjecture and speculation; maybe some of them would prove me wrong.
There are only a few from college, and almost none from high school, with whom I still stay in contact. Those from college are almost all from church (my last year in college). One friend from high school has gotten back in touch with me (found me through google). I appreciate that he remembered me and wanted to get back in touch.
My wife is better than me at staying in touch with people. I'm glad she does that. I think it's a deeply embedded personality trait. Some people have a few very close friends, and others have a larger number though maybe not as close.
I think it is important to have some close friends. How many isn't so important I guess. But letting some close friends into your home and your life enriches your life in a lot of ways.
Just one geezer's point of view.
I tend to think Alan is better than me keeping in touch with people from the past because he uses the internet. I use the phone better, but that's because I am more comfortable with that mode of communication.
BTW, your sister-in-law's husband is still your brother-in-law, or else I've been calling my brother-in-law the wrong thing for 29 years!
I do think it is important to have friendships outside of marriage. Obviously you have the right priorities with God first, wife, family, etc. The ability to use your home to reach out to other people, whether a Christian couple you are trying to help or a non-Christian couple you are trying to influence to have a relationship with God, is exactly what God wants you to do with the wonderful gift he has given you. And if you keep it to yourself, you are like a light hidden under a bushel. But if you allow others in, you are being a light on a hill. So many people in this world need to see your light. And I know you have been having others over into your home. I am just encouraging you to continue! You & Harmony have so much to give.
I'm extremely late to this discussion, but I wanted to chime in since I've been married 9-1/2 years. I think you're normal. I know that my husband and I would typically rather spend time with each other than with anyone else. Why get married if that's not the case?
He occasionally does guy things, and I do girl things, but often our socializing is done as a couple. We are close friends with several wonderful couples from our church. We also occasionally socialize with couples from his Star Wars group, but I'm not as comfortable with them since I only see them occasionally and don't know them well. We do try to be good friends, as well as Christian influences in their lives.
As for keeping in touch with people, I don't do it much. I think as we pass through various phases of life, we just either cease to have as much in common, or we're too busy to take the time for it. I keep up with college friends more frequently, but still not much. I had two high schools: one in TX and the other in Europe. Moving overseas in the pre-internet days meant I lost touch with most of my American friends. However, I do exchange Christmas cards and the occasional email with some of my friends from my European school.