Another Bad Idea Masquerading as a Good One

I wrote a post in December 2007 about how while it might seem like a great idea to have both your relatives and your in-law extended family in town for Christmas, in actuality it's a bit more trouble than it's worth, due to the fact that there's limited time and everyone wants a piece of you. I think I can safely say that we have discovered another one of these bad ideas masquerading as a good one.

And BTW, we have been away for the past week, which is why this blog has been sadly neglected. If I were a good blogger, I would've queued up some scheduled posts so you would have no idea we were not here. Being away (I will not really call it "vacation.") for the past week leads right into this bad idea:

I took the entire Thanksgiving week off and we visited both of Pearl's great-grandmothers. One of them is getting much more feeble than she used to be (who can blame a near 90 year old woman for that?) and the other had not yet met Pearl. The initial thought was that in taking the whole week off, the 1000 mile round trip would be a bit more relaxing than the driving-every-other-day-marathon-vacation-which-is-actually-not-much-of-a-vacation Thanksgiving trips that Harmony's parents usually take.

One of the things we learned on this trip was that grandmothers will not listen when you say "you really don't need to do much work for us, we'll handle things while we're there." Maybe it's best not to ever visit them, so they won't tire themselves out preparing food for us ;)

Right, so now I explain why it's a bad idea to take an extended Thanksgiving break. Grandmothers, stuck in the ways of being woefully good hostesses, will stock up on all sorts of bad snacks and dessert foods. They will insist that you get a good dessert after each lunch and dinner. The longer you are there, the more desserts you will consume. This is why I am 4 pounds heavier than I ought to be :p

Another thing that made the trip a bit difficult for us was because one of the grandmothers almost constantly second guessing and/or worrying about our parenting style and decisions. (This particular grandmother's favorite hobby must be worrying.) Don't tell her that we co-sleep EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, and no, aside from the first day or two at the hospital, she has NEVER SLEPT IN A CRIB/BASSINET before. Statistics and facts do not matter to this grandmother when she makes up her mind about something. Other things that she expressed worry about: speaking Korean to Pearl, not enough solids, not sleeping in a crib, sleeping in a crib (we do have drop-side that my parents got from a neighbor, but we have never used it aside from a place-to-put-stuff), a midwife birth, home birth, holding the baby too much, etc. etc. etc ad infinitum/nauseum. Although there were a couple of instances where I could've stated that we are going to homeschool, I chose to bite my tongue for the moment. There is a 99.9% probability that she will be against that. There will not be much debate there, if it ever comes up. Out of all the "alternative" paths we are taking, homeschooling is one for which we feel most strongly.

So you can imagine that constantly having to keep my guard up on what we say (in order to keep grandmother blissfully unaware) or constantly feeling like we need to defend our parenting leads to one VERY mentally tiring visit. For the most part, we enjoyed the time we spent there, but going from worrying-as-a-favorite-activity grandmother to the more it's-your-parental-decision grandmother was like a gigantic breath of fresh air after spending too much time in an enclosed small room full of sweaty people who have just had a big meal of spicy chili with lots of beans.

So to grandparents and other family members who might read this: we know you probably would not parent exactly the way you do and even might not really like some of the things we are doing, but we are so so so so so so so so so so so so soooo grateful that you let us be the parents and do not constantly second guess us by expressing worry and whatnot.