James Dobson on Marriage

Why are men so insensitive to women's needs today? [...]

[...] I doubt if men have ever responded as women preferred. Did the farmer of a century ago come in from the fields and say, "Tell me how it went with the kids today"? [...] What has changed is the relationship between women! A century ago women cooked together, canned together, washed clothes at the creek together, prayed together, went through menopause together, and grew old together. [...] Alas, the situation is very different today. The extended family has disappeared, depriving the wife of that source of security and fellowship. Her mother lives in New Jersey and her sister in Texas. Furthermore, American family move every three or four years, preventing any long-term friendships from developing among neighbors. And there's another factor that is seldom admitted: American women tend to be economically competitive and suspicious of one another. Many would not even consider inviting a group of friends to the house until it was repainted, refurnished, or redecorated.

What effect does this breakdown in the relationship between women have on marriages?

[...] Depriving a woman of all meaningful emotional support from outside the home puts enormous pressure on the husband-wife relationship. The man becomes her primary source of conversation, ventilation, fellowship, and love. But she's not his only responsibility. He is faced with great pressure, both internal and external, in his job. [...] By the time he gets home at night, he has little left with which to prop up his lonely wife...even if he understands her.

From Dr Dobson Answers Your Questions, pages 339-341. Discuss. :-)

Pet Peeves

The books you order from paperbackswap are NOT free. I'm sorry to burst your frugal bubble, but unless you are sending the books via some free postal service, you are paying to receive a credit. I pay on average about $2.30 for my books, which is a steal considering the books I order, but it's still not free. In fact, it's so not free that it's actually cheaper to buy books from a thrift store or a library book sale than it is to get them off of paperbackswap.com.

Don't get me wrong, I adore paperbackswap. But it causes my insides to roil with righteous indignation whenever I hear someone falsely claim that they got books "for free!' off of a website that they essentially have to pay to use.

Nursery (Non-)Rhymes

Recently, I have noticed how many nursery rhymes there are that possibly rhyme in some part of the English-speaking world, but most certainly do NOT in these here parts. A few examples:

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to her cupboard
To fetch her poor dog a bone.
But when she got there,
The cupboard was bare.
And so her poor dog had none.

Goosey Goosey Gander
Whither shall I wander
Upstairs and downstairs
And in my Lady's chamber.

Pussy Cat, Pussy Cat,
Where have you been?
I've been to London
To visit the Queen.

Old Mother Goose,
When she wanted to wander
Would ride through the air
On a very fine gander.

Mother Hubbard down the cellar
I spy Cinderella
(from Each Peach Pear Plum)

And I have also noticed that different members of our family approach these non-rhymes in different ways. JunkMale forces the rhyme and exaggerates it in a funny way ("Mother Hubbard down the cellar, I spy CinderellER"). I heard my mom reading the Old Mother Goose rhyme, and she also forced the rhyme, but in a much quieter way, almost shyly. I prefer just reading it the way that I would if I didn't know it was poetry.

I wonder which way other people handle nursery non-rhymes. Do you force the rhyme? Do you read it the "normal" way? Do you consider it an object of curiousity? And is there a right way to read them?

A seriously shameful book review

Baby's got a nose, a neat little nose.
Sniffs at a rose nose.
Honks when it blows nose.
Wrinkles when it goes nose--
goes kerchoo.
Who loves baby's nose?
Me! I do.

I absolutely love All of Baby, Nose to Toes by Victoria Adler. The rhymes flow well, the story is cute, in my opinion it's a book worthy of any family's library.

But if I'm perfectly honest, I think what made me fall in love with the book are the illustrations. The book is illustrated by Hiroe Nakata, which as you know is a Japanese name. And family in the story is a mixed Asian and white family. The grandmother is white, the grandfather and father are Asian, the mother and children are mixed, and they even have a cute little blond dog. So obviously the family resembles ours in a way that most children's books do not.

The baby girl in the story looks a lot like Pearl, which is the real reason why we read it in the first place. A friend at church was given the book and told me that she thought of Pearl every time they read it... so she lent it to us. And, alas, it is time to return the book to its rightful owner...

... which leads me to the "shameful" part of the post title. ;-) Pearl's birthday is coming up in two months. If there are any relatives who are having trouble coming up with ideas for a birthday present, here's one for you. Oh, and if you click on the link above we'll get a few pennies from the amazon affiliate program (that's where the "seriously shameful" part comes in).

Ok, seriously now. This is a new book, published in 2009, but I really think it's a gem. If your library has it, check it out. If you find it at a book sale, snarf it up. And if you're feeling free with your money, buy it new. I do not think you will be disappointed.

Twaddle

Children's books are a dime a dozen, and you could spend all your time attempting to read as many as possible to your child. But that doesn't mean that they're all worth reading. Let's face it, some books are what Charlotte Mason calls twaddle: books that talk down to children, books that do not spark the imagination, books that are junk food rather than a nourishing meal.

But it's not as easy to agree on what is good children's literature as you might think. My sister, for example, is very picky about what books my niece reads. She's even started a website to help highlight the best in children's literature (and guess who's going to be a contributor to that blog every now and then??). But despite the fact that she is in general more picky than I am when it comes to books, there are books she loves that I would consider twaddle.

Dr. Seuss is an excellent example. I'll go ahead and say it: I think most Dr. Seuss books are twaddle. I think the illustrations are awkward, the prose is too dumbed down, and there are far too many made-up words. The only one I've decided I want in my house is Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You? The others are perhaps okay for reading while waiting in the doctor's office or at the library, but honestly most of the time I'd rather not. You can all label me a bad mom now. ;-)

I'd much rather read Sandra Boynton's books, which have better rhymes and better illustrations. But I get the impression that my sister considers But Not the Hippopotamus twaddle.

We also disagree on Eric Carle books (although she told me she hasn't read a whole lot of them). I find his illustrations to be largely garish and his prose to be completely lacking. I enjoy Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? (which was only illustrated by Eric Carle) because of the delightful rhythm and despite the illustrations. The Very Hungry Caterpillar is a decent book, but pretty much every other Carle book I've read has fallen well short of expectations.

And on it goes. So what do we make of this? "Twaddle" is not a strictly defined list of books. Neither, for that matter, can we have a set list of excellent and worthy books. We each have personal preferences, and that is okay. Pearl will not be forever stunted in her education for reading Horns to Toes and in between, just as my niece Savannah will not be stunted for reading Green Eggs and Ham. The important point is that my sister and I are both setting the bar high for our children. We have standards, and while those standards might vary, the end result will be that Pearl and Savannah will both be exposed to excellent literature... with perhaps a few sentimental favorites thrown in for good measure. :-)

So if you're feeling ashamed that your favorite book was labeled twaddle by some list online, or feel embarrassed because you think some highly lauded book is little better than a paperweight, stop being so hard on yourself. Continue to be discerning when choosing books for your children, but stop thinking that someone else's standard should be your own.

Books Read in February 2010

A sad, empty list. The Olympics took up my reading time for half the month, but even then it's a bit embarrassing. I must do better next month!

*What Mrs. McGillacuddy Saw! - There wasn't much of Miss Marple in this one, which was a shame. And it seemed to me that everything was decided by guesses. Definitely not my favorite Christie.

*Story of the World, Volume 1 - I now know why the title is Story of the World. Susan Wise Bauer tries to tie a legend or folk tale into each of the chapters, sort of in the style of Fifty Famous Stories Retold. I found it to be very interesting reading (although, admittedly, history is one of my favorite subjects), and I am satisfied with it as a spine book for our homeschool... five years from now. ;-)

Books Read in January 2010

*The Mystery of the Blue Train - A decent Poirot mystery. Not one of the best, but still a good read.

*Peril at End House - I loved this one, mostly because for the first time ever I soled the mystery before Poirot. The little gray cells, they worked hard this time. :-)

*Twilight - I read this one to find out what the hype was about. I liked the book a lot, but I think it's way too mature for a teenager. The attraction between the main characters becomes something like an obsession. In my opinion, it also read like some of the better-written fan fictions that I've come across. So much so that I wondered several times during the novel if Ms Meyers dabbled in either reading or writing fanfics sometime in her past. I certainly see why young girls like the series so much, and a part of me even wants to read the rest of the series, but let me put it this way: it's like Francine Rivers without the Christian morals. Sure, the book is technically "clean" (although with gratuitous romantic tension), but for all the wrong reasons.

*Katy No-Pocket - I thought it was a really cute book, and the illustrations are by the same guy that did Curious George so it has the same feel. A baby-wearing book from long before the days of the baby-wearing revival.

*Beyond the Rainbow Bridge - A Waldorf book, and thus full of strange mystical philosophies that needed to be dismissed, but I absolutely loved the chapter on play. I think I quoted almost all of it to my SIL because it seemed like every paragraph made me say "YES! This is what childhood should be like!"

*Creative Play For Your Baby - A better title would be "How to Make Simple, Natural Toys For Your Baby". I have to say, I love this book. It actually made me feel like I could make a doll, or homemade blocks, or a wooden boat, or what have you. In fact, I'm working on a doll right now. And if I could figure out where to get the wood, I'd start on some simple blocks, too. The sequel (Creative Play For Your Toddler) will definitely be on my wish list in a year or two.

*The Bee Tree - I loved the illustrations, and it's a good summer book (La, are you reading this?). It's a mad race to follow bees back to their home, and all sorts of characters drop what they're doing to join the hunt. It's also a Sonlight book, for those who are interested in that sort of information.

Still reading:

*Stuart Little
*Heidi
*Story of the World Vol 1
*The Tender Years

Books Read in 2009

This is a fitting post for the end of the year. My sister also published her list of books read, half of which I've never read before. She's read more books in the last six months than is typical for her, so I'm very proud of her.

As for me, I had a friend who told me in May that I'd better get all my reading in then because it would be a long time before I'd be able to pick up another book. I must admit, much of my reading in the first two months of Pearl's life was simply to prove him wrong. ;-) I can't remember many books that I read before she was born, so this list almost all books I have read since June. I'm certain this list is not complete, even since June, but I wasn't really keeping track and my brain cells are otherwise engaged at the moment.

*Agatha Christie novels (I discovered them sometime in June or July, and have been devouring them ever since):

• Murder on the Orient Express
• Death on the Nile
• Murder is Easy
• The Man in the Brown Suit
• The Mysterious Affair at Styles
• Murder on the Links
• Poirot Investigates
• The Murder of Roger Ackroyd
• The Murder at the Vicarage
• The Body in the Library
• And Then There Were None (as much as I'm ever going to read it - I was so scared a few chapters in that I skipped to the end to read the conclusion)

*Sense and Sensibility
*The Three Musketeers
*The Plain Princess
*The Wonderful Wizard of OZ (the last book I read before Pearl was born)
*Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (okay, here's another I read before Pearl was born... apparently I remember more than I thought)
*Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (re-read)
*Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (re-read)
*A Study in Scarlet

And I'm currently reading:

*Five Children and It
*The Incredible Journey
*Heidi
*Stuart Little
(And more Poirot and Miss Marple mysteries, in order, each time I go to the library. It's my goal to read through all of them.)

4-month Book List

For posterity's sake....

I posted about 2 months ago about the books Pearl was enjoying. Here's a list of the books she enjoys now that she's nearly 4 months old:

*Peek-a Who?
*But Not the Hippopotamus
*Mr. Brown Can Moo! Can You?
*Goodnight Moon
*Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?
*Rosie's Walk
*A Child's Garden of Verses (the shorter poems*)
*some Eric Carle books (these are hit and miss - she loves the illustrations but the books are long)
*Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb
*some Mother Goose nursery rhymes

Occasionally I'll get her to sit through something much more advanced. She seemed to like The Girl Who Loved Wild Horses and she sat all the way through Lentil. And she will usually sit through Corduroy. And of course, I'm still reading aloud to her from whatever book I happen to be reading - but that's usually in a soft, soothing voice right when she's almost asleep.

In general, she likes most stories that have 1) funny sounds; 2) a rhythm; 3) brilliant illustrations. That's not surprising, but I am surprised at how long her attention span is when she enjoys the book. It's obvious which books she likes because she'll stare at them and sit still for ages. When she doesn't like what we're reading, she fusses and cries after a page or two.

What did your babies like to read at this age?

*By "shorter" I mean ones with short lines, not poems with few words. As long as the rhythm and rhyme pattern repeats quickly enough, she is enthralled. Example: A Good Boy bores her (although it's short enough we can get through it), but Picture-books in Winter is fine.